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| Petunia |
Once upon a time, there were three little pigs. They were all sisters and they pretty much hated each other. The oldest of the sister pigs was Petunia, she was the vainest of them all. Petunia looked in the mirror all day and was very selfish. The second oldest sister pig was Jade, she was very dumb. Jade never went to school so she was very hard-headed. Her brain was as big as a grain of sand. Finally, the youngest of the sister pigs, Lily. Lily was sweet and caring, but most importantly, intelligent. As you can see, the three little pigs were very different from one another. All of them lived under the same roof until something tragic happened.
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| Jade |
It was a great day to be outdoors, not too sunny, not too windy. The sky was shining blue like a dazzling smurf. Petunia was out shopping for clothes, even though her clothes was very abundant. It was so abundant that half of Jade and Lily's closets were full of Petunia's clothes. Jade was building a puzzle which is not very easy when you hardly have half of a brain. " I can't figure this puzzle this puzzle out! It looks like a horse that has a sword through its head!" (The puzzle was a picture of a unicorn.) Lily was busy helping their mother clean up the house. Lily cleaned the dinner table, the counters, and the fridge until the house was a shining diamond. Suddenly, she heard a scream piercing through the house. It was the voice of a little piggy with a low IQ. That could only be one person, Jade! Lily hurried to Jade's side and what she had done. Let me tell you one thing, it wasn't very good.
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| Lily |
Petunia got home shortly after with twenty or so shopping bags. " You won't believe what I got at the store! First I went to JCPiggy and got a beeeeauuutiful dress! Like it is sooooo gorgeous! It's satin and pretty and pink! I also got these amazing shoes! They are totally fetch! LOL, did you see what I did there? I quoted 'Mean Girls'! I am like totally so funny and I have a great personality, don't- WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED HERE?" Petunia's face turned a scarlet shade and she looked like she was going to collapse. Jade had ripped and shredded a good many of Petunia's clothes in order to make a unicorn dress. She had cut a finger with the scissors she was using, which explained the loud scream. Lily tried to calm them both down, but it was useless. The three little pigs yelled and yelled at each other for endless hours. Finally, Petunia was sick and tired so, using her vain brain said," You know what? I hate both of you! I hate you Jade for destroying my clothes, which FYI, isn't just my clothes, it's my life! I hate you Lily because you are so calm and quiet so everyone thinks you are a little angel and I, next to you, am a hideous monster. But we both know that I am a rad girl with goals and ambitions. I will never talk to you again! I am moving out!" Those last words were very powerful, even though they may seem vain, because they change this entire story.
The very next day Petunia moved out. Lily cried and begged her to stay. " We are sisters and it's normal to fight! We can fix this idiocy Petunia...Please stay!" It was no use. Petunia left, leaving tension between the two remaining pigs. Days passed, Lily and Jade still didn't talk, the few words they said were, "Pass the salt" and " Good morning". One day, Jade could not stand it any longer. " I am done with this Lily! I am moving out too! I'll live on the streets if I have to! You know we live in America so someone will be willing to help a poor piggy like me!" Lily sighed as she took this all in, finally, after a few moments of silence, she said " Jade, the first thing I'm going to tell you is that we don't live in America, we live in Storyville, and secondly, I decided to move out as well. We'll put the house on sale." Jade was astonished, she never thought that he proper, kind sister could leave the house where so many memories had been made. Lily was simply exhausted. Both sisters retreated from the dinner table (where they were eating slop-n-cheese) and went to their rooms to pack their belongings. A day after, the two sisters departed from the house and never looked back.
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| Lily's House |
Months passed and the three sisters had still not communicated with each other. None of the sisters had a lot of money, certainly not enough to buy a solid house, so they worked with what they had. Petunia lived in a house she constructed out of her clothes hangers. They were glittery purple plastic hangers and she thought they made the perfect house. Jade made a house out of oxygen (meaning she didn't actually have a house), because she thought," Why not have a house made out of oxygen? It's free, except in chip bags, and it's probably super durable!" Lily, the youngest of the pigs, made a house out of legos. She was a very smart pig that liked to build complex things with legos. The legos blocked out all the wind, rain, and snow. All the sisters were perfectly content with their shelters. Near the sisters, lived a very evil wolf. he was supernaturally ugly and painfully evil. The wolf's name was Gilmore. Gilmore had always been jealous of the three little pigs because they lived in the best part of town and had the best houses. This Gilmore the wolf guy is the villain of the story as you can probably infer. What do villains do? They plot evil plans against the main characters, duh! That is exactly what Gilmore did.
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| Gilmore |
The three little pigs were going to die...everyone knows that. Anyways, Gilmore planned that one cold and windy day, he was going to blow all of the pig's houses down and eat them up. Of course, Gilmore didn't have the power to blow down their houses so this was the reason for the windy day he chose to put his plan in progress. The first piggy he went to was Petunia, the oldest, most vain pig. She was busy applying make-up on when she heard loud noise. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! "Seriously! OMG! Can't you see that I'm like, glamming up over here and you like, come and interrupt me like, OMG! You have zero manners!" The wolf knew something like this could happen so he said,"Open the door up Miss, I know that you are making yourself look fabulous, but to be truthful, you are gorgeous just the way you are." This flattered Petunia and there she went, opening the door to this stranger. Before she could say another word, the wolf ate her up. Jade was next. Jade was busy polishing her "oxygen" house. The wolf could waste no time pretending to knock on this imaginary house of hers so he stormed through the oxygen walls until Jade could see Gilmore's tiny hair follicles. In an instant, Jade was down the wolfs throat and boiling in his stomach acids.
There was only one sister piggy left, Lily. Now, Lily's house, as you may remember, was made out of Legos. The wolf knocked loudly on the door. Lily called out," Who's there?" Gilmore replied, "Oh, it is the Lego administrator and I was going to give you a certificate that honors the great job you have done creating a stunning Lego house." Rewards for her hard work were always welcome when it came to Lily, so she like her two other sister pigs, opened the door. You know what happens after that, so I won't say that Lily gets shoved into the wolf's mouth, crunched by his teeth, and thrown into his stomach by peristalsis.
That, folks, is the story of the three little pigs. This story taught you to be kind because you might get lucky and get eaten last. It also taught you that you should always try to live with somebody else rather than on your own because that way you can trip them and run while they get eaten. Finally, don't open the door to strangers.
THE END
